Dear Trinity,
Every time I go out looking to meet someone special I keep meeting undesirables, drunks and the unemployed. It kills me. What am I doing wrong?
The Wrong Ones, Detroit, Mich.
Dear The Wrong Ones,
In life, odds have it that you could easily go out to a bar, meet an uninspired, depressing yet good-looking bum with an endless dialogue of sad stories just as easily as you could meet someone at the same bar well-inspired, happy and with many success stories. Pumpkin, it’s simple. You just have to ask the right questions right up front, i.e., “What do you do for a living?” and/or “What’s good in your life?” And, if the answer is “Nothing” for both questions then say “Goodbye” and move right along to the next drunk — I mean happy person. If you stick close to your desires of meeting someone well-rounded, odds have it you’ll eventually meet someone great. P.S. Remember, looks have nothing to do with success.
Dearest Trinity,
I work three jobs and am saving money for a condo. However, my life is so stressful that sometimes I find myself doing things out of character, which I think are a reaction to my stress. What do you do for stress?
Stressing Out, Columbia, S.C.
Dearest Stressing Out,
Being early (not just on time), eating slowly (or just chewing your food) and delegating work (not just doing it all yourself because no one can do it as good as you) are guaranteed medicines for stress. Other anti-stress activities include making love, listening to the ocean and playing with children. You could also hit the health food store and pick some Bach Flower Remedies such as Vervain or Rescue Remedy. Everyone has stress, honey, but some of us practice time and stress management better than others. Start practicing.
Hey Trinity,
I messed up and fell asleep and missed my last date with someone I just started dating. He’s really mad. How do I make it up and get him back?
Messed Up, Spokane, Wash.
Hey Messed Up,
When you make a definite plan with someone and don’t show up at all they have every right to be mad. But, sweetie, you have every right to try to make up for it with:
Trinity’s Fast Action Tips For How To Make Good After Standing Someone Up
1. Immediately, if she lives near you, go and attach an “I’m sorry” note to her door with a short explanation. Give the time you wrote the note.
2. Don’t make someone wait 24 hours to know why you messed up. Call that next morning apologizing.
3. Leave a message on his answering machine and try as much as three times that whole (next) day to reach him live.
4. Don’t avoid what you did. Say, “I’m sorry for standing you up and it will never happen again.” And, sound sincere.
5. Promise “If something comes up again, next time I’ll call and give you plenty of warning.”
6. Ask “When are you free again?” And, if you have to change your plans to accommodate the situation, do so. Don’t let a week go by.
7. Invite him to dinner at your expense, at his earliest convenience, even if you have to change your plans.
8. Call before your next date an hour early just to say, “I’ll see you in an hour.” You must regain their trust.
9. Bring a gift when you see her, something small and sweet that expresses, “I really want to make it up to you,” i.e., a flower, a trinket or some chocolates.
10. And lastly, don’t do it again, ever again. As you can see it’s too much work for you and too much heartache for the person you stood up.
Don’t let your answers go unanswered!
— With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity was host of “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama and now performs globally.
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