Dear Trinity,
It’s been over a year since I came out. I now have many gay friends, but it really bothers me that so many of them live alone, are looking and wanting love and confess about never being able to find companionship. Is this my future too?
My Gay Future, Charlotte, N.C.
Dear My Gay Future,
Yes, many gays are single, lonely and looking for love in all the wrong chatrooms. And, yes, many gays have low self-esteem, are hard to please and/or just don’t want to take the time to get to know someone who doesn’t fit their porn fantasy. However, there are other gays who are unplugging their internet, raising their self-esteem and meeting at coffee shops, private parties and joining social, intellectual, athletic or religious groups. These gays are pushing themselves to meet upbeat people and trying new ways of celebrating being single and gay. Honey, you may have to find some “new” positive-minded friends who know that being gay is a gift. As one famous lesbian, Helen Keller, said (or signed), “Life is either a daring adventure or it is nothing.”
Hey Trin,
I went on a first date and thought everything went great. I told him a lot about myself, even the bad things. I think being honest is best and he did seem interested. But I never heard from him again. What did I do wrong?
First Ditched Date, Ottawa, Canada
Hey Ditched,
Maybe he moved to Alaska, was thrown in prison for murder or fell in love with someone on his way home from your date. Or, maybe you told him so much about yourself that you either scared him away or left nothing to keep him interested enough for a second date. Pumpkin, a first date is not a time to dump your troubles on someone or read them your police record. It’s a time to show someone how fun, funny and interesting you are. Your date is supposed to get a feel for you, not feel like he’s watching an A&E biography special on your life. Keep trying!
Hello Trinity,
When it comes to pick-up tactics I’m always failing. I try, but I could use some help.
Pick Me, Plymouth, Mass.
Hello Pick Me,
If you want to pick someone up — look and smell good, be open-minded, at ease with yourself and, sweetie, please read:
Trinity’s “Wake Up And Smell The Coffee” Tips For Bad Pick-up Tactics
1. The “Excuse Me” Approach: Trying to be funny by bumping into, pushing or slapping the behind of someone you want to pick up is not funny.
2. The Drunken Approach: Getting drunk so you can become “fearless” only makes you feared by others. Have a drink or two, but then take a break.
3. The Political Approach: Yes, everyone likes to talk about politics and we all hate the Bush Clan, but try talking about something less upsetting.
4. The Push Myself On You Approach: Being pushy and aggressive only works in porn or Quentin Tarantino films, otherwise learn to accept “No!”
5. The Never Stop Talking Approach: Being interesting and provocative is great but if you’re not hearing much from your counterpart shut up and start asking questions.
6. The Never Stop Telling (Bad) Jokes Approach: Being funny and fun is a gift but telling more than four jokes per hour is itself a bad joke.
7. The Desperate For Love Approach: If you must use pity or misfortune to get a date then join a monastery.
8. The “Listen To How Fabulous I Am” Approach: Yes, everyone’s glad you’re rich, successful and/or famous, but you’re out to get dates not start a fan club.
9. The Silent Approach: Being a good listener is a wonderful trait, but having nothing to say does not make you good bait.
10. Lastly, The Negative Approach: Yes, sometimes pointing out people’s misfortunes will make you look more fortunate, but after 14 years old it stops working.
Don’t let your answers go unanswered!
— With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity was host of “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama and now performs globally.
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