I’m so horny, I just want all my hot neighbors to @#*% me!
Hey Trinity,
I’m 23 and never sexually satisfied. The better sex gets with my boyfriend the more I want it with everyone else. The other day we did it five times and when he fell asleep at night all I wanted to do was knock on all of my hot neighbors’ doors and have them @#*% the hell out of me. I’ve tried to talk my boyfriend into having an open relationship, but he doesn’t want it. We love each other, but lately I feel that my butt has been taking command of my life. What should I do?
More More More, Minneapolis, Minn.
Hey More More More,
Wanting to be with someone special, i.e., your boyfriend, but also wanting your “hot” neighbors basically means one thing, you’re a normal, healthy gay man who needs to make some grownup decisions. So, honey, your choices are: a) accept the wishes of your (five times a day) boyfriend, b) end the relationship and find a sucker, I mean a boyfriend, who wants an open relationship, or c) learn to take cold showers. But, you have to get this hole, I mean whole, problem filled, I mean dealt with. Hey, maybe it’s
just the full moon?
Hello Trinity,
After six months, I want out of my relationship. But finding the perfect time to end it is impossible. When is it the right time to end a relationship?
The Perfect Goodbye, Cambridge, Mass.
Hello The Perfect Goodbye,
There’s really never the right time to say, “it’s over,” but there is the right way to do it. Start by sitting together in a private place. Be clear, to the point and try not to use words like, “well…ah…um….” And, sweetie, remember in a break-up someone always gets hurt, so it’s not about not hurting someone but about hurting someone the least.
Dearest Trinity,
Don’t you think saunas and bathhouses are degrading and unhealthy?
Sauna Scrutiny, Toronto, Ontario
Dearest Sauna Scrutiny,
Saunas and bathhouses may be dangerous, dirty and even unhealthy, but degrading? Pumpkin, saunas with sexual activities have been around for thousands of years. The Roman Empire was famous for its saunas. Today, if you’re careful, you can have a great, relaxing and even enlightening time. And, with that, I give you:
Trinity’s True Enlightening Bathhouse Tips
1. Some days everyone wants you and some days no one knows you’re alive. (People experience you differently at different times.)
2. When someone shows interest, it’s because you fit their certain “type” not because they like you. (When someone’s attracted to you it has nothing to do with “you” per se.)
3. When everyone’s wearing just a towel, everyone appears the same. (We’re all basically the same.)
4. Give a man a bed, a pillow, a condom and some soap and he’ll be as happy as a pig for hours. (A man’s needs are basic.)
5. It’s OK to tell someone “no,” especially when there are others to tell him “yes.” (Everyone is responsible for their own feelings.)
6. There’s always one in the crowd who tries to ruin it for everyone else by being too loud or too pushy.(Everyone needs attention sometimes.)
7. Keeping clean can save you and others from numerous diseases. (If everyone keeps clean everyone else “will” stay clean and healthy.)
8. Men are animals.They like to eat, sleep, fart and procreate or, at least, create intimate experiences. (Men are really just semi-sophisticated animals.)
9. Sometimes you just have to say “no” to things that are dangerous, yet adventurous. (You must always be practicing good judgment and self-control.)
10. Lastly, walking around aimlessly and silently in a controlled environment is very peaceful and enlightening. (Sometimes it takes a sauna to make us experience what the Buddhists call, “The quiet mind.”)
Don’t let your answers go unanswered!
— With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity was host of “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama and now performs globally.
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