Dear Trinity,
I just started going online to meet people. Got any pearls of wisdom for beginners?
Internet Baby, Raleigh, N.C.
Dear Internet Baby,
The internet is great for information, shopping and, well, selling yourself. It’s made being single or bored a thing of the past. But, it has also created many downtown problems for uptown girls. Where else but the internet can you join a religious cult and commit suicide together without ever shaking each other’s hands. Of course, you can meet great people too and may even find your soulmate. But, honey, keep in mind that seeing and touching someone in person is much more real and less dangerous than trusting typed words or online personal (and maybe retouched) photos. So read, proceed and type with caution.
Dearest Trinity,
Sex life with my other half is just not what it was the first couple of years. It seems like at year three he has taken a nosedive away from me. I can’t tell if it’s a matter of cheating, boredom or asexuality. What makes sex in a relationship “peter out?”
Wanting More Peter, Santa Rosa, Calif.
Dearest Wanting More Peter,
Sex in a relationship is like ice cream on a cone — if you don’t pay attention to it, it will melt and turn to mush. However, if you lick it into shape and attend to its needs it will keep its consistency. Similarly, you have to pay close attention to your sex life by keeping it in shape and alive. Otherwise, if you’re not continually inventing new, sexy games your sex life will eventually freeze up or melt away. Now get to work, sweetie. (The cartoon sure shows you how I keep it spiced up.)
Hello Trinity,
When is it a good time to meet the parents of someone you’re dating?
Parent Trap, South Beach, Fla.
Hello Parent Trap,
It’s best to meet someone’s parents as soon as your date suggests it. This way you get a clearer idea of your date’s financial worth, I mean, family background. But if you can, pumpkin, wait a few months just so you are both clear on what you are presenting to the parents. Remember, once you get past their “interview,” your date will forever have to explain you, what you’re up to and what you’re not up to.
Hey Trinity,
On our second date I asked, “Would you like to date exclusively?” but she said I was moving to fast. What’s too fast?
Speedy Second Date, Savannah, Ga.
Hey Speedy Second Date,
The “second date” is a time to learn more about someone, to ask smarter and sneakier questions, to steal some kisses and to read:
Trinity’s Snappy Second Date Scenarios For When You’re (M.T.F.) Moving Too Fast
1. If you open a joint bank account or put his name on your home mortgage, you’re MTF.
2. If you call her parents, friends, coworkers and ex-lovers just to introduce yourself to them, you’re MTF.
3. If you’re telling him how to dress, shower, shave and use the toilet, then you’re MTF.
4. If you utter, “I need you!” “Lets be monogamous!” or “Can we move in together!” — you’re really MTF.
5. If while she’s at work you redecorate her home to fit your taste, you’re MTF.
6. If you ask him to convert religions, change carriers or try plastic surgery, you’re unbelievably MTF.
7. If you start suggesting how he should eat, where he should live and with whom he should associate, well, then you’re dangerously MTF.
8. If under her bathroom sink you start to keep your money, a change of clothes and your diary, you’re stupidly MTF.
9. If you start planning a wedding, the children’s education and how to get rid of his mother you’re totally MTF.
10. And, lastly, if you show up with a U-haul truck full of everything you own, then, darling, you’re M (way) TF.
Don’t let your answers go unanswered!
— With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity was host of “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama and now performs globally.
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