Dearest Trinity,
I’m searching for a deeper, spiritual meaning in life. I need to understand life not just live it. I need more meaning. What do you think?
Searching, Louisville, Ky.
Dearest Searching,
If you’re looking for a deeper meaning in life then you’re already on the “path of spirituality.” Spirituality takes practice, patience and a helping H.A.N.D. In other words, H. means have faith in your intuition or “gut feeling.” A. means acknowledge the good, especially in the bad. N. means notice the beauty in things you don’t usually notice. And D. means detach yourself from unhealthy needs and desires. But, sweetie, don’t forget to enjoy sex, dancing and being overly fabulous whenever the spirit takes you. Spirituality also means being silly and having fun.
Hey Trinity,
I can’t stand my lover anymore but she won’t let me break up and move out. I feel like I’m trapped in her house and in her life. My only alternative is to run away. Any suggestions?
Running ASAP, Des Moines, Iowa
Hey Running ASAP,
If you’ve tried to really work it out together and still nothing works, then listen up. Running away should not be done on the spur of the moment, without financial backing, without a safe place to go or a clean legal record. Running away should be well planned, at a safe time and with your debts paid. Always leave a note. Remember, your problems come with you, so runaway smart and you’ll end up in a smarter place. (See the cartoon for how I would do it.)
Dear Trinity,
I went on a date to a party and everything was going great until I started having a good time. Then my date wouldn’t let me go off on my own the whole night. Shouldn’t I be able to have a good time?
Party Date, Grand Rapids, Mich.
Dear Party Date,
When you’re on a date at a party don’t forget to stay completely interested in your date, not the party; make friends, but stay away from making your date jealous; don’t get too drunk or become too much work; and, a date is never time to go off on your own. Next time, pumpkin, do something more private, at least the first few dates.
Hello Trinity,
I am filing for divorce even though my religion is dead against it. What do you think the sins of divorce are and what are the benefits?
Divorce Doctrine, Olympia, Wash.
Hello D.D.,
Now I know I wrote something about divorce just after my last breakup. Ah, here it is.
Trinity’s Seven Virtues & Sins Of Divorce
Virtues
Faith: “I just know she won’t take me for everything!”
Hope: “I pray he never remembers all that jewelry I bought.”
Charity: “Now I know I can get some tax write-offs from this.”
Prudence: “So, let’s see. There’s the Swiss bank account, the Paris bungalow and a few other things he’ll never find out I bought.”
Justice: “I’m going to hire the best lawyer and make that bastard pay.”
Fortitude: “I’m going to take you for everything you’re worth.”
Temperance: “So! I’ll only take him for half of what he’s worth.”
Sins
Pride: “I gave him the best years of my life. That’s worth 10 grand a year.”
Wrath: “I’ll kill that S.O.B!”
Envy: “You see your honor, she’s got looks, brains and a rich new lover. I should at least get her money and property.”
Lust: “Since you lost 80 pounds, started working out and had your nose done, maybe we don’t need a divorce.”
Gluttony: “I’ll take the house, the cars, the investments and the time share and, ah, is that enough?”
Avarice: “I’ll take 50 percent of all your income until your dead! You cheating, lying, no good @#%!”
Sloth: “I’m tired of your needs. If you want a divorce go get one yourself.”
Don’t let your answers go unanswered!
— With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity was host of “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama and now performs globally.
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