Hey Trinity,
My boyfriend wants me to be openly gay in public. I’m just uncomfortable kissing him or holding his hand in public. I love him a lot, but I came out just last year when I turned 18 and I am still wary about the way I act in public. What can I do to be more comfortable with showing affection in public?
Closeted Love, Kansas City, Mo.
Dear Closeted Love,
When I was your age, living in NYC, a very tough, yet spiritual 21-year-old gay man said to me, “If you feel love for me while holding my hand or kissing me in public we’ll always be protected. But, if you feel afraid, then we will not be protected.” Expressing your gayness publicly opens the door for other gays, as well as keeps the (closet) door open for society to get used to gay people. So, pumpkin, you can spend life fearing your love because one fool in a thousand might say something weird or you can live free knowing that the Great Butch Lesbian in the sky will always protect your love.
Hey Trinity,
When I first met my lover I used to think his jealousy was cute, but after five months it’s not so cute anymore. I feel like I’m under investigation every time we’re together, especially if I say hi to someone. How can I get him to be less insanely jealous?
Jealous Lover Gone Mad, Atlanta, Ga.
Hey Jealous Lover Gone Mad,
What you love in the first month usually becomes what you hate … I mean have trouble with, a few months later. And, sweetie, jealousy is directly related to insecurities that someone acquires over years for many reasons. So, if you support him in taking classes or seeing a therapist for self-esteem this may help him grow up and grow out of his jealous ways.
Dearest Trinity,
My last boyfriend had so much class that I got spoiled. My new BF is great, but very “basic.” Without hurting his feelings, how can I teach him better manners in public?
Man Without Manners, Detroit, Mich.
Dearest MWM,
Manners are not easily taught to boys over the age of birth. But, if this boy wants to please you, then, honey, try slipping this under his cereal bowl:
Trinity’s Smart Tips For “Being” Someone With Great Manners
. Being Physical: Let others stand as close to you as they feel comfortable. Never stand right on top of someone.
2. Being Eye Conscious: Let others talk to you as they feel comfortable. Never talk right into someone’s face or try to control them with your eyes.
3. Being Graceful: Give others the right to like or not like you. Not everyone will understand you.
4. Being of Good Self-Esteem: Give others the right to excuse themselves without insulting you. Never make others wrong for not being able to talk to you.
5. Being Silent: Practice silence during a special presentation. Never talk over someone or a group watching a specific film, speech or piece of music.
6. Being a Fair Speaker: Always ask questions pertaining to the person you are with. Never talk continuously without pauses so others may talk too.
7. Being Themselves: Give others the right to be themselves, not needing to do as you do. Never push yourself, food or alcohol on anyone.
8. Being Politically Correct: Giving too much of your political or religious view is a great way to end a meeting. Never force your beliefs on anyone.
9. Being Problem Free: Give others the freedom to not be your therapist. Never waste someone’s time (except friends) with listening to or analyzing your problems.
10. Lastly, Being Upbeat: End on a positive note. Never give too much of your negative opinions. It’s a great way to make enemies.
Don’t let your answers go unanswered!
— With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity was host of “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama and now performs globally.
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