Hey Trinity,
My lover constantly says, “Communication is everything. If you want a relationship you have to want to communicate!” Is it really that important?
Why Talk, Indianapolis, Ind.

Hey Why Talk,
How important is communication to a relationship besides a good martini you ask? Well, how disastrous would life be if cellphones stopped phoning, U.N. translators stopped translating or airport communication towers just stopped communicating? Communication really is the foundation to every successful interaction, including relationships. So if you want your relationship to soar, honey, you must learn to love to communicate, which includes learning to: accept the word “no,” compromise your pride (aka selfishness) and agree peacefully that you may sometimes disagree. Oh, and respect — without it you may end up being just another murder trial on Court TV.

Dearest Trinity,
My girlfriend and I have been dating monogamously for nine months. However, I still fantasize about my ex. Controlling my desires is tough enough, but do I have to control my fantasies too?
Mind Over Matter, Houston, Texas

Dearest Mind Over Matter,
Everyone fantasizes, it’s healthy, but, pumpkin, you really should be fantasizing about your new mate. So let’s change all that right now with NLP or Neuro Linguistic Programming. It works like this: visualize a clear, colorful picture of you having sex with your ex, then make the picture black and white then blurry then getting smaller until it disappears. After you do this a few times simply bring back a picture from small to bigger, blurry to clear and black and white to color of you making love to your new girlfriend. It’s that simple. And if this fails, change girlfriends.

Dearest Trinity,
After living in New York City for so many years I just have to ask, why are gay men so readily available for action? Is it that they’re really good in bed or just always horny?
A Lady New Yorker, New York, N.Y.

Dearest New Yorker,
Probably both, but I think one reason is gay men (often) know how to make someone feel “right at home” so maybe they all like to visit each other’s homes. And while we’re on the subject here’s 10 more reasons:

1. Respect: Gay men always turn off all phones and give roommates “the signal” to stay away.

2. Cleanliness: Gay men always promise clean bed sheets, period.

3. Preparation: Before lying down with someone, they always preset the
lighting to a romantic lamination.

4. External Mood: Gay men always keep the remote control for music and lighting at arms reach for easy adjustment.

5. Internal Mood: Gay men always have a Merlot, Shiraz or Cabernet around to help set the mood.

6. Tools of the Trade: In the second drawer of the nightstand they always keep plenty of hand towels, lube and condoms plus a few surprises.

7. Grooming: Gay men often trim the pubic area and shave the genitals for a youthful glow.

8. Manners: Gay men always try to “finish” at the same time or help the one who didn’t finish first, finish last. No one leaves incomplete.

9. Charm: If one man is “dirty,” the phrase “Let’s first take a shower together” always turns disaster into delight.

10. Finale: If man A explodes on man B then man A always gets a warm cloth to wipe off man B It's only polite.

Don’t let your answers go unanswered!
— With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity was host of “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama and now performs globally.

info:
web: www.telltrinity.com . email: Trinity@telltrinity.com
mail: Tell Trinity, PO Box 1362, Provincetown, MA 02657-5362 
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