The “getting
dumped, dumping someone and why it’s always your fault” issue
Dearest
Trinity,
A year-and-a-half ago my boyfriend left me with no explanation, he wouldn’t
even return my phone calls or answer his door. Then he moved. Fast forward
to a year later with his new boyfriend on his arm, he returns. I liked
his new boyfriend, but I still never got my overdue closure. Now I have
their number to finally get closure. Should I call?
Wounded & Wondering, Green Bay, Wisc.
Dearest Wounded & Wondering,
Men are selfish, boring, overbearing animals and no lame excuse will
ever right his dirty dumping wrongs. Whether he was running from the
law or himsel,\f it was a year ago and won’t change your life today? So
lets fast-forward to you. What do you need to self-empower yourself again,
a new boyfriend, a new job, a new outfit, what? Sweetie, it’s totally
time to move on! Stop playing Patti LaBelle’s “Somewhere Over
The Rainbow.” If “closure” you must have, then closure
you deserve. Yes, calmly call him and demand closure. And then move on.
Hello Trinity,
I’m dating someone who is so sweet and so nice, but I’m so
not into him. I’m terrible at dumping someone. Help!
Working The Dump, Long Island, N.Y.
Hello Working The Dump,
It’s awful making someone feel bad and even more frustrating figuring
out how to do it. But, honey, if it’s not working you must not
waste his time or yours. The six rules for dumping someone are: be clear,
be present, be compassionate, do it privately in a public place, never
dump by phone or email (after the second week) and be far away from any
glass, guns or moving vehicles.
Dear
Trinity,
It was just after five months when I got handed a list of “why it’s
my fault” the relationship isn’t working and has to end. Trinity,
why is it always the “other person’s” fault?
The List, Louisville, Ky.
Dear List,
In most relationships it’s never “their” fault. Welcome
to the dating game. Now, pumpkin, after you rise from the shock, copy this
list and send it to him or her.
Trinity’s
99 Ridiculous Reasons For Why It’s My Fault And Not Yours That
The Relationship Didn’t Work
1.
(8a) Because “I wasn’t enough,” i.e., smart, masculine,
talkative, quiet, pretty, cute, funny or wealthy enough.
2. (8b) Because “I wasn’t supportive with your” addictions
to drinking, drugging, working, shoplifting, promiscuity, crusing, the
gym or steroids.
3. (9) Because “I didn’t like listening to your” music,
TV, singing, snoring, complaining, bird chirping, burping or your constant
chatting on the cellphone and internet.
4. (10) Because “I didn’t like the smell of your” breath,
food, cologne, laundry detergent, shampoo, incense, dog, cat, snake or
your constant flatulence.
5. (16) Because “I didn’t know how to deal with your never-ending” depression,
anti-depressants, mood swings, hypochondria, paranoia, split personality
or your 10 other emotional disorders.
6. (6) Because “I didn’t push you hard enough to give up” your
smoking habit, your lousy job, your credit card problems, your eating
disorder, your multi tasking or your need to be controlled.
7. (7) Because “I didn’t like going with you” to the
neighbors, the bars, the casino, expensive dinners, traveling, shopping
or to your mothers house every weekend.
8. (6) Because “I kept lecturing you on” being late, being
judgmental, being rude, being disrespectful, being sloppy and for Goddamn
swearing so much.
9. (25) Because “I wouldn’t let you” eat ice cream
for dinner, french fries for breakfast, chocolate cake for lunch or the
22 other unhealthy things that you and your doctor keep saying will kill
you.
10. (4) Lastly, because “I “wouldn’t” do the
right things, feel the right feelings, wear the right clothes or sleep
just the right way when you wanted me to.
Don’t let your answers go unanswered!
— With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity was host of “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama and now performs globally.
<
