Dearest Trinity,
I really, really like someone whom I’ve only admired from a distance. But, now he’s moving and I think I want to move also to be nearer to him. I know it sounds obsessive, but I’ve never been this deeply in love.
Obvious Obsessions, Colorado Springs, Colo.
Dearest Obvious Obsessions,
Being slightly obsessed is very human. Hollywood survives every day on our obsessions with their stars. But, honey, you’re not in Hollywood, you’re in reality, which means treating this fantasy much more realistically! Maybe it’s the heat, maybe it’s loneliness or maybe it’s too much TV, but this obsession must be addressed before you change addresses. In real life you meet, date, have your first fight and then you can move closer.
Hey Trinity,
I’m 28, gay, out and dating a 19-year-old who isn’t out. Things are wonderful, but only behind closed doors. I know coming out is very personal and cannot be rushed, but it’s been a month and I am having troubles.
Closeted Courtship, Flint, Mich.
Hey Closeted Courtship,
Here’s what I’d do. Think of myself as his “secret love” or “best-kept secret” rather than his “closeted boyfriend,” at least until he’s more comfortable Help him make gay friends while also being a role model. Take him to gay places. It will help him come out and give you both a romantic getaway. And, lastly, sweetie, it’s only been one month and for those blinded by love I repeat “one month,” so don’t be too needy. In other words, show how him pansies not impatiens.
Hello Trinity,
Love is tough, but communicating my feelings and listening to my boyfriend’s problems is even tougher. Can’t love have bad communication? It works for my parents, even after 33 years.
Wanting It All, Ottawa, Canada
Hello Wanting It All,
Love is tough, but good love means good communication, period. Yes, I applaud your parents but I’ll bet they used to talk and now they communicate in their own way. Listen, pumpkin, the more you communicate and compromise, the more you’ll understand your boyfriend, yourself and love itself. Love is all about giving and taking. The more you give the more you can eventually take. (See the cartoon for more hints.)
Hello Trinity,
I work a lot and often use the phone to talk to my boyfriend, which drives him crazy. I know I shouldn’t conduct a relationship via the phone, but I often have no choice. Any ideas?
Phone Faults,Phoenix, Ariz.
Hello Phone Faults,
Originally the phone, like the telegraph, was meant to send short messages, but things have changed. So, darling, until you have more time to meet without the phone try:
Trinity’s Snappy Tips For What Never To Do On The Phone With A Date (or anyone for that matter)
1. Never call if you have nothing to say.
2. Never call after 10 p.m. or before 10 a.m. unless prearranged.
3. Never put someone on hold for more than 20 seconds or more than twice during one conversation.
4. Never type, surf (the internet), watch TV or talk to someone else while on the phone.
5. Never leave more than two messages in one day or three in the first week without a response. And wait a week to call after that.
6. Never break up with anyone on the phone. Do it in person, please.
7. Never call someone when you know they’re busy. And always be willing to graciously accept, “I’m busy. I’ll call you back.”
8. Never talk on the phone when your date and you are together, unless absolutely necessary.
9. Never play music to someone on the phone. Phones are mono. Stereos are duel. It never works.
10. And, lastly, never keep cellphones against your body. The battery could damage your organs. “Google” for more alarming facts.
Don’t let your answers go unanswered!
— With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity was host of “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama and now performs globally.
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