When is the right time for sex with your new date?
Dear Trinity,
Is a few dates long enough to wait before having sex? Is the first date too soon? Is waiting for “the ring” too old-fashioned? What do you think?
Waiting & Wondering, Hoboken, N.J.
Dear Waiting & Wondering,
Everyday I ask myself that same question, “When is the right time to start having sex?” Unfortunately, honey, every date has a different answer. Yes, the longer you wait the stronger your connection will be and yes, the sooner you “do it” the quicker you’ll know if he or she is “it” (at least in the bedroom), but waiting still promises no guarantees. However, if your body is your temple, your heart (feeling or intuition) is part of your soul. If you’re going to eventually get laid anyway, then why not let your date wait and yearn and work really hard to respect you, your body and your high self-worth.
Hey Trinity,
On our fourth date he says, “I’m celibate, but not because of religious reasons.” Now, I feel like I was baited, hooked, caught and then left out to dry. What should I do?
Celibate Snapper, Albuquerque, N.M.
Hey Celibate Snapper,
Only the fourth date! Well, maybe you were left out to dry, but definitely not to fry. Even a lobster could bounce back from that. Listen, sweetie, when someone not religious says, “I’m celibate” or “abstaining from sex,” then my guess is he’s actually politely abstaining from saying, “I’m not sexually interested in sex with you.” But whether it’s true or not, take a deep breath and start swimming happily away. This is clearly just a small rock in life’s great river of ebbs and flows.
My Dear Trinity,
I recently read your list of “Possible Fetishes.” But you never mentioned what you thought of fetishes themselves?
Fetish Quest, Omaha, Neb.
My Dear Fetish Quest,
Almost everyone on some level practices fetishism, including myself, be it with leather, lace or undies, body touches, tortures or types. Some express their fetishisms to face deep-down desires or fears, for adventure and excitement, because they “just feel it” and/or because they’re bored and need something to do. Now, darling, even though my youth was filled with wild activities, I never got into any, well many, fetishes, especially body tortures (unless you include trying on wedding gowns in small dressing rooms). Now, as for my present fetish tastes, well I’ll be in charge of when you can ask that question (whip snapping sound). (See the cartoon for more hints.)
Hey Trinity,
After two years together we just couldn’t make it work. It is over now and we have moved apart. But, I can’t quite get past all the memories and feelings and the loss. How can I move on?
Moving Somewhere, New Hope, Pa.
Hey Moving Somewhere,
If it’s any consolation, even Brad Pitt has to deal with moving on. Now, pumpkin, before you do anything “Sid and Nancy Vicious,” try reading:
Trinity’s Reaffirming Tips For Moving On After A Break Up
1. Clean house by putting away all wedding or commitment gifts and memorabilia.
2. Get back on the horse of dating. Don’t waste time festering meaningless fears.
3. Go away on a fabulous vacation with an old fabulous friend.
4. Re-empower yourself with good, healthy, fun thoughts.
5. Erase his or her voice off of that damn answering machine.
6. Change any negative thought patterns. You have the power to simply and quickly change your thoughts. Change “I wish” to “I will.”
7. Reroute all of his or her mail (except the Vanity Fair subscription).
8. Get support from friends, family and, sometimes, even a professional counselor.
9. Sell off any investments you both share and become legally liberated.
10. Lastly, fighting depression means dieting, exercising, sleeping and eating a piece of dark chocolate everyday.
Don’t let your answers go unanswered!
— With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity was host of “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama and now performs globally.
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