Dearest
Trinity,
I almost made it in a relationship to the year mark but my girlfriend
couldn’t.
I’ve been dumped before, but this time I really was in love. It feels
like someone died. I bounce between sadness and anger. How long do these
feeling last?
Dumped To Death, Atlanta, Ga.
Dearest Dumped To Death,
Being dumped is not only like experiencing a death it is a form of death.
And as would be experienced if there was a death, there are four stages
to go through: shock, sadness, anger and finally resolution. For a close
death it can take as long as a year or two but it can take less time if
you work at it. Give yourself two to four weeks maximum to go through the
four stages then get right back on the dating horse, sweetie, and start
celebrating life again. Sleeping lots and watching comedy shows helps too.
Dear Trinity,
My boyfriend and I never really committed sexually to each other. But recently
he caught me cheating. Now he insists I be monogamous “or else.” As
a gay man who loves to “socialize,” I don’t think I can
do it. What should I do?
Monogamy Or Your Life, Portland, Ore.
Dear Monogamy,
Many people including gay men have trouble with monogamy, especially city
dwellers where the temptation is higher. But, honey, you’re in a
relationship, which is suppose to stand for something. You’re not
a kid in a candy store, you’re a grown man trying to have a healthy
relationship…remember. It’s time to grow up evenif it hurts.
Hey
Trinity,
How long should I date someone before insisting they quit smoking?
Non-Smokers Blues, Quebec City, Quebec
Hey Non-Smoker’s Blues,
Dating a smoker is hell, I know. Give it two months — if you can — and,
pumpkin, if he doesn’t offer to quit smoking, let him know that you
may have to quit dating.
Dearest
Trinity,
I’ve been wanting to grow facial hair and now that I’m single
I can. Any suggestions?
Facing Facial Hair, Portland, Ore.
Dearest Facing Facial Hair,
Since famous women keep reinventing themselves with hair color, famous
men are doing the same with facial hair. That’s why it’s time
to read:
Trinity’s
Fabulous Tips
For
Facing Facial Hair
1. Bald Heads: Yes, be proud, but also try facial hair to ad depth and
feature to your face.
2. Goatees (hair only around the chin): Fat faces look thinner with goatees
because it adds length. Plus it’s very trendy.
3. Mustaches: For big noses this is an old trick. However, it’s an “old” trick
and the least stylish of all facial hair.
4. Vandykes (mustache and goatee): Today’s most stylish look, but
remember, a thin face needs a rounder Vandyke and a round face needs a
thinner one.
5. Sideburns (mutton chops, low or high, thick or long): If you must play
with sideburns then, baby, make ’em look sleek. And when it’s
job-hunting time, get rid of ’em.
6. Chin (Cheek) Curtains: To hide fat cheeks or double chins, grow a thin
beard line along the jaw bone to the ear or under the chin, up the smile
lines and across the cheeks to the ear. Try it till you diet.
7. Chin Cuff/Flavor Saver: Just a bit of hair under the lip makes the lower
lip look bigger and a good place to start playing with facial hair.
8. Five O’Clock Shadow: Made popular by Don Johnson on “Miami
Vice.” On some it looks great but on others it looks awful.
9. Full Beards: This rugged look may be for you, but keep it off the neck
and groomed. Also try a Hollywoodian (shaving under the sideburns). And
shampoo regularly, please.
10. Dyed Beards: If you insist on aging gracefully, take Metamucil, otherwise
get Just For Men. In five minutes you’ll be 10 years younger. Remember,
pigment equals youth, beauty and health.
Don’t let your answers go unanswered!
— With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity was host of “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama and now performs globally.
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