Dearest Trinity,
My ex cheated on me several times, but I still love him. We’re not together anymore but I’m trying desperately to win him back, even though I know he doesn’t want just me. What should I do?
Desperate, Kansas City, Mo.
Dearest Desperate,
A desperate person who goes after harmful, inconsistent, one-sided relationships always knows he or she is acting desperate, inconsistent and harmful to themselves (period). And, so do you, baby. Whatever unconscious fear you learned in your younger days unlearn it immediately and start yearning for a better life. Keep reminding yourself, “I deserve more! I deserve more! I deserve more!”
Dearest Trinity
I stupidly moved with my boyfriend into his parent’s house. He said, “We’ll save money until we get on our (financial) feet.” We’re on our feet now, but he still insists that moving out is not a solution to bills and we need the security of his family. Help!
Family Trapped, Charleston, S.C.
Dearest Trapped,
Eventually, he’ll have to choose between his family and you, which may take some more time. Sorry! For now, either: keep talking about it with him, get couples counseling or move out, nearby into your own place, and date him that way. If after a while, sweetie, he still insists on living at home, then you may have to try… a new boyfriend.
Hello Trinity,
My houseguests left me with a mess to clean up. I didn’t want to be rude, but I was ready to kill them. What do I do next time?
House Mess, Flagstaff, Ariz.
Hello House Mess,
You mean they left you holding the broom. Next time, honey, let your guests know the rules for visiting before they arrive. Either place a note on the refrigerator or on their nightstand. Some fools don’t know how to be good houseguests, so you’re better off just telling them or never inviting them back again. Now get busy and make those rules.
Dear Trinity, I borrowed money from my ex-lover and it’s taking much longer than I expected to pay it back. Now, like a bounty hunter, I am constantly being harassed for the money. How do I get him off my back?
Hunted, Savannah, Ga.
Dear Hunted,
If you want him off your back, then show some backbone and get that debt off his back. Pumpkin, you can steal someone’s heart but not their money. So here are:
Trinity’s Tips For Owing Money Responsibly To Someone You Know
1. Having to chase someone for money is uncomfortable and awkward. Make their responsibility your responsibility by keeping in contact with them.
2. Even if it’s only one percent of what you owe, send a timely check for some small amount. You’ll be glad you did.
3. Don’t just write or email, but call to say, “Hi, I haven’t forgotten about you.”
4. If you can’t figure out how to pay someone back, then think bank loan, credit card loan or getting a different personal loan.
5. Even if you borrowed money from the richest low life on earth, you borrowed it, you pay it back. (Key word: integrity.)
6. If you’re very short loan turns into a very long disaster then find another fool, I mean friend, to borrow from. End this debt and begin another.
7. Never hide from your debts, but physically visit the person you owe money to and take them to lunch.
8. Showing your honest face and acting friendly for some emotional reason makes your outstanding loan a lot more forgivable.
9. When you do make that final payment, include a card and gift, anything that says, “Thanks!”
10. Lastly, if you can somehow payoff just some of your loan, you can usually borrow more. In theory, you can keep an honest loan going quite a while.
Don’t let your answers go unanswered!
— With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity was host of “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama and now performs globally.
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