Dearest Trinity,
Don’t you really think that people who have extramarital affairs are wrong or do you think that it’s common and should be treated more openly?
Extramarital Questions, Seattle, Wash.
Dearest Extra,
Even though “it” happens to more couples than our grandparents ever told us about, I think yes, extramarital affairs (EMA’s) are wrong simply because the emotional hurt almost always outweighs the sexual satisfaction. EMA’s are, however, common and I think should be dealt with more maturely and less dramatically — which is so often the added problem. Now, if your lover finds out you’re having an affair or visa versa, stop it now, start practicing forgiveness, seek alternative solutions in your primary relationship and start moving past it. Forgiveness, rather than other forms of retaliation, is always smarter. And, if that doesn’t work then pack someone’s bags and say, “Bye-bye.” And, pumpkin, if you still must have that affair, remember to be smart, careful and quiet about it. When you’re in really big trouble, a change of hair color and address always works for me.
Hello Trinity,
Men — I can’t live with them and I can’t live without them. How do you deal with those overbearing Marlboro men types?
Marlboro-ed Out, Brooklyn, N.Y.
Hello Marlboro-ed Out,
Yes, I agree. Men have been a problem since the beginning of time. They belch and burp, sweat and snore, spit and swear, but, darling, they also look so damn good in those Marlboro ads. Maybe men were put on this earth to cause trouble and the rest of the animal kingdom was put here to monitor them? (See how I hogtie them in my cartoon.)
Hello Trinity,
I’ve been dating a very handsome guy for the last two months. But he is constantly concerned about his looks, what people say about him and if I approve Now, I’m getting paranoid about my own looks.
Paranoid, Berkeley, Calif.
Hello Paranoia,
Boy, he’s a handful (of face creams and after shave). Now, instead of letting him bring you down, let his insecurities inspire you to be stronger and more self-empowered. You may also practice pointing out the beauty in people that are not so beautiful so he can see a “higher” beauty. Let him know in a gentle, easy-going way that he is perfect the way he is. He probably doesn’t realize how unattractive it is wearing his insecurities on his (newly starched) sleeve. It’s hard to believe it, but, honey, some of the world’s most beautiful people still don’t realize that looks and self-esteem have very little to do with each other.
Hello Trinity,
My best friend told a secret she swore never to tell. Now she’s begging me for forgiveness, but I can’t seem to forgive her. Why should I?
Forgive-less, Palm Beach, Fla.
Hello Forgive-less,
Once you get past the stage of, “I’ll never talk to you again” try:
Trinity’s Loving Tips For How To Forgive Someone
1. Forgiving someone doesn’t mean giving someone another shot at you. It means you release them from your anger and thoughts, sometimes even your life.
2. Saying, “I forgive you now,” then taking a few weeks to figure out how to forgive someone will start you right away on a healthy path towards forgiveness.
3. Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself not the person you need to forgive.
4. In the moment you forgive someone, your problems with them begin to dissolve. Use foregiveness to dissolve your problems.
5. Keeping anger, resentment and judgment inside means they have taken over and are controlling your inner thoughts. Do you really want this?
6. Don’t wait until someone dies or disappears in order to forgive them. Do it while they’re alive, not for their sake, but for yours.
7. Forgiveness starts when you let yourself look someone in the eyes while feeling a little less hatred than before.
8. If you’re mad at someone today and 10 years goes by before you forgive them, you’ve wasted 10 years. Eventually, you will forgive everyone. So, start now.
9. Forgiving someone doesn’t mean you have to forgive them to their face, but it does mean that you have to start the process in your mind first.
10. Lastly, forgiveness is a holy, spiritual, enlightening practice. How much time do you really need to waste before getting on a path of higher consciousness?
Don’t let your answers go unanswered!
— With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity was host of “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama and now performs globally.
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