Hey Trinity,
My ex is mad, not because I dumped him, but because I did it on the phone. With my last breakup I just wrote a letter and that worked fine. Why do I have to do it in person?
YBThere, Maui, Hawaii

Hey YBThere,
In no book, Bible or contract is it written, “You can dump someone like a wimp, i.e., phone, letter, voicemail or post-it note.” Ending a healthy relationship is like ripping a nursing baby from its mother’s bosom, especially if you’ve been dating for over a month. In other words, you must end it like a doctor telling someone they have cancer, by being present, gentle and ready for tears or anger. Pumpkin, next time do it in person, please, and close to their home so no one gets killed.

Dear Trinity,
I’ve been dating a girl who smokes (and smokes and smokes). It’s been six months of avoiding her breath, clothes, hands and ashtrays. Help!
In Cigarette Hell, Austin, Texas

Dear Cigarette Hell,
Yes, honey, dating a smoker means being polite while suffocating. Even the outdoors promise no salvation. Sorry, but it may never go away until she quits smoking, you begin smoking, you create some “smoking rules” or you both quit — the relationship. Until then it may always be “me, my date and the cigarette.”

Hello Trinity,
I’m 40 and dating a 28 year old who is great, but still dresses and lives like a student on a student budget. He needs a makeover. How do I tell him?
Makeover Mate, Montreal, Canada

Hello Makeover Mate,
Many students, even 10 years later, don’t realize dorm life is over. If you want this to work send him flowers with a copy of:

1. It’s time to move out of your family’s house unless assisting an ailing relative.

2. It’s time to replace those meals of french fries, chips, alcohol and cereals with the adult diet of foods you have to cook.

3. It’s time to rebuild your wardrobe because those old clothes that made you cool 10 years ago, now make you look unemployed.

4. It’s time to fully accept the word hygiene, including daily showers, moisturizers, (unwanted) hair trimmings and twice a year dental cleanings.

5. It’s time to start a healthy lifestyle, which means “partying” only for special events and needing to prove yourself only to people who love you.

6. It’s time to refurbish and repaint. The milk crate cabinets, bed sheet curtains and torn posters really never worked anyway.

7. It’s time to start an exercise plan by getting a jogging partner, a gym
membership, joining a sports team and counting your cholesterol.

8. It’s time to start a relationship by actively looking to date, going on dates or finally marrying the guy or girl you’ve dated for eight years now.

9. It’s time to have a self-sustaining job, pay your own bills, your own credit cards and be mature enough to know when to ask for help!

10. Lastly, it’s time to decide who you are. The days of hanging out with best friends at the pinball arcades are over, honey.

Don’t let your answers go unanswered!
— With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity was host of “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama and now performs globally.

info:
web: www.telltrinity.com . email: Trinity@telltrinity.com
mail: Tell Trinity, PO Box 1362, Provincetown, MA 02657-5362 
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