Dear
Trinity,
One month into dating his job was cut and “to save money,” he
and his two pets moved in to my tiny one bedroom apartment. Well, now six
months later I still love him, but I want my place back. He never helps
with rent or utilities and anytime I bring up “moving” it ends
up a bad scene. I just want some time “alone.”
Trapped At Home, Wichita, Kansas
Dear Trapped,
He and his two pets don’t pay rent and he gets mad when you bring
up the “m” word. Why should he move? Unless, of course, you
make it less comfortable (hint, hint). For example, tell him you’re
moving out or you’re quitting your job and need his help. Darling,
you need to get tough which sounds like, “I love you, but you have
one month to move!”
Hello Trinity,
I’ve been trying for months to get the one I love to love me back. I send
flowers, visit his work and even drop by his house with dinner, but still I get, “Not
interested.” I’m at the end of my ladder. Help?
Not Giving Up, Rehoboth Beach, Del.
Hello NGU,
Now let me get this right. You’ve doing everything and still he’s “not
interested?” Well guess what, honey, he’s not interested. Let me
say it again in case you missed it, “He’s not interested” — which
means, he’s not interested, which also means you may be stalking him. So
move on, please!
Hey
Trinity,
I met this guy at the bar and brought him home. Well, he turned into
a sex pig, spitting, swearing, pain worship and more. I’m not vanilla
but how do you know if someone wants a “scene,” not just sex?
Too Far, Toronto, Ontario
Hey Too Far,
With one-night stands you have to take a stand. Next time just ask, “What
are you into?” And then listen for key words like hugging and affection
versus hitting and asphyxiation. Some people love to make love and some
think that to love means war. If sex is an adventure, plan each trip wisely.
Dearest
Trinity,
Since inviting me for dinner and a movie I assumed it was a date. But
after dinner we ended up in bed where he “accidentally” had
an orgasm and immediately asked me to leave. Was my beautiful date really
just a bad one-night stand?
Shocked, Montreal, Quebec
Dearest Shocked,
He cooked, came and kicked you out. Damn that little orgasm. Sorry, pumpkin,
but, yes, you were yet another man’s toy. Next time read:
Trinity’s
Short Tips For Knowing When Mr. Cool Is Really Mr. Fool
1.
While making plans (for Saturday night): He says, “I’ll call
you around 8 (PM) if I can make it” without caring that you’ll
be left without plans if he cancels.
2. When meeting you for a date: He arrives unkempt, in greasy work clothes,
obviously unshowered and insists on fooling around.
3. While meeting your friends: He acts confrontational, argumentative and
self-righteous just to get a reaction from them.
4. At dinner: His dinner arrives first so he starts eating without waiting
or offering to share it until your meal arrives.
5. During conversation: He burps, coughs in your face and sneezes towards
your food without any excuses.
6. During a DVD movie: You have to use the bathroom. but he refuses to
pause the film because he’s so into it.
7. During sex: He has an orgasm first, gets dressed and leaves without
offering you an orgasm or post-sex cuddling.
8. At the club: He cruises without caring if you notice.
9. On every date: He shows up late and gets angry if you bring it up.
10. And lastly, at breakfast: He knows you’re vegan, but makes his
favorite ham and eggs offering you concentrated juice and dry toast.
Don’t let your answers go unanswered!
— With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity was host of “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama and now performs globally.
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