Hey Trinity,
In two-and-a-half years my lover has cheated on me three times. I don’t like that he did it without my consent, but I realize he’s an adult. He wants a sexually “open relationship,” but I don’t know if I can. I don’t want to lose him. Should I let him go or am I overreacting?
Lost In The Game, Ann Arbor, Mich.
Hey Lost In The Game,
I’m not sure if I’ll ever truly understand “open” or what I call “alternative relationships,” but to each their own. The fact is many men become farm animals or practice what I call “pigomy” at some time in their relationship history. Maybe it’s biological, psychological or just a common phenomenon. Now, if one in 300 days he’s a pig or in 900 days except for three he’s a good man, then congratulations. You may have won the game, at least in some people’s eyes. Of course, honey, you could try to get him to stop, but only you’ll know when and if that’s possible. So, for now, keep being honest and talking about your feelings with each other. Oh, and no out of control, last straw, “Court TV” crimes of passion, please!
Dear Trinity,
Everyone has extra-marital affairs. It’s practically normal. You never hear of someone going to jail for cheating. Is it really that much of a crime? Can’t I just do what I have to do without felling so guilty?
Cheating With Ease, Billings, Mont.
Dear Cheating With Ease,
First of all, cheating may be common, but so are car accidents. Second, people don’t go to court for cheating, but couples are flooding the courts for divorce and even for murdering their cheating spouses. Third, while cheating is not considered a crime in the “lower” courts, the “higher” courts may catch up with you eventually. So, pumpkin, I think it’s great to “do what you have to do.” It’s also great to not “feel guilty.” But, it’s even greater to eventually grow up and start practicing the highest form of spirituality and intelligence called control. (See my cartoon for ways to “legally” work things out.)
Hello Trinity,
Okay, I did it. I “powerdated” (multiple dating at the same time) until I was dizzy. Now I think I met the one. But what do I do with my other dates while I am just dating this one.
Powerdizzy, Queens, N.Y.
Hello Powerdizzy,
Never throw out that little black book, at least for one year, even if you think that you’ve found the one. Now, sweetie, as for your other dates, keep in contact with them at least by phone or simply tell them in some clever way that you’re, “busy.” So, until you’re sure that you’ve found your prince/ess don’t toss away your dating crown just yet.
Dear Trinity,
I want to kill my ex-lover. Not in the criminal sense, but at least in the eternal suffering sense. Any advise?
Kill Or Suffer, Charleston, W.V.
Dear Suffer,
I’ve always said, “If it wasn’t for my ex-lovers, my friends wouldn’t look so good!” Darling, there are alternative reconciliations besides murder. So, while you’re seeking professional counseling and creating a close support network here are:
Trinity’s Revengeful Things You Can’t & Can Do To Your Ex-Lover or Partner
1. You can’t castrate, blind, send anthrax or hire a hit man to kill your ex.
2. You can’t burn down, rob, blow up or drive a tractor-trailer into the home or office of your ex.
3. You can’t stalk, hunt, kidnap or have someone else criminally assault your ex.
4. You can’t dismember a favorite pet, relative or any past, present or future lover of your ex.
5. Lastly, you can’t let your ex make your life, livelihood or love for yourself miserable.
6. You can however, sue, take back everything you ever gave your ex and/or “max-out” your joint bank accounts and credit cards and throw a big “Good-bye Ex Party.”
7. You can stop cooking, cleaning, shopping for, talking to or sleeping with your ex.
8. You can use your ex as a reason to hurt, dishonor or fool yourself. But, it’s not worth it. And, you know this already.
9. You can change the locks, move out and/or fly away on a fabulous vacation just after you’ve destroyed all of your ex’s favorite possessions.
10. Lastly, while you can punish your ex within the moral or legal laws of our land, you can also snap out of it girl, get physically and mentally rid of your ex and move on. I do every time.
Don’t let your answers go unanswered!
— With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity was host of “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama and now performs globally.
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