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	Tell Trinity
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Would have could have should have

Dear Trinity,
Seventeen years ago in college I fell for someone but never asked them out. Recently, I researched their name, called and we spoke. They were partnered with kids. I’m still single and still feel like I missed out on a great romance. Now what?
The 17-year itch, Toronto, Ontario

Dear Itchy,
Yes, you may have screwed up years ago, but it’s too late now. Your recent
conversation will just have to be enough. It was a lifetime ago, pumpkin, and you don’t need to become an old obsessive fool …or do you? If everything happens for a reason and life’s a great big game, then there’ll be other opportunities you don’t want to miss by looking backwards. So close that chapter and look forward — gracefully.

Dearest Trinity,
I dated a guy for months and then he
suddenly broke it off. But I’m having a terrible time saying, “my ex.” It makes me want to cry.
In Pain, South Hampton, N.Y.

Dearest In Pain,
Yes, for the first few weeks saying,“my ex” is just like saying “someone has died.” But someone and something has died. So take time to cry, feel, breathe and laugh. It really does get easier every day as long as you keep saying, “Being single is great. Having control over my own money is even greater.”

Hey Trinity,
I keep being told to use the internet to meet people. But why bother?
InterNot, San Juan, Puerto Rico

Hey InterNot,
Internet dating — it’s like a slot machine, sometimes there’s no connection, sometimes there’s a great connection and sometimes there’s religious leaders trying to kill you. But as long as you don’t become addicted and are cautious to read between the lines you may meet someone who treats you naughty, I mean nice. Always end emails with a question so your contact has something for which to reply.

Dearest Trinity,
I met a restaurant reviewer who invited me on a dinner date. But what if I’m too picky or not knowledgeable enough? What if I don’t like the food? There are so many ifs. Please help.
What If, Baltimore, Md.

Dearest What If,
If you’re nervous about your eating etiquette start with a glass of wine and start reading:

Trinity’s Important “Ifs” To Ask Yourself On A Dinner Date

1. If I’m picky about what to eat, why not check the menu before entering a restaurant or sitting down.

2. If I’m picky about where I sit (for whatever reason), why not ask to look around the restaurant first and pick a comfortable place before committing.

3. If my cellphone rings during dinner why not turn it off for the rest of the meal.

4. If I’m eating seeded fruit, why not make a fist and spit the seeds quietly into the palm of my hand and then nonchalantly place them into a napkin.

5. If I’m experiencing bad food and/or bad service, why not be light, fun and
forgiving, at least for tonight, and stylishly ask for a different meal or waiter.

6. If I must excuse myself to use the bathroom, why not leave my date something to read.

7. If I’m more interested in the people at the next table or walking by, then why not pull out a gun and shoot my date so he or she can be put of his or her misery from being in my company.

8. If I’m trying to watch my weight, why not have a little dessert instead of making my date eat one alone, just for tonight.

9. If I’m finished eating, why not place the silverware crisscross on the plate so the waiter knows I’m done.

10. Lastly, if my eating companion offers to pay the bill, why not offer to leave the tip.

Don’t let your answers go unanswered!
— With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity was host of “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama and now performs globally.

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