Dear Trinity,
I’m a 19-year-old gay Army soldier. I don’t know how I can cope with the Army’s accursed gay policy and prejudice from other “str8 soldiers.” Sometimes I just want to be discovered and discharged.
G.I. Joe, Montgomery, Ala.
Dear G.I. Joe,
You got in to this situation and to stay in means you can’t come out. I’ve never been in the armed forces, but, honey, I once was in the arms of a Navy priest who said, “Being gay and in the Navy is a choice I made. I have my straight-Navy life and my gay-private life.” We all have to do things we don’t love in order to have things we do love. So, be a private-Private at least until you’re done. Also, think about civilian therapy, gay support groups and lots of leave time.
Hello Trinity,
When I am dating someone I am often physical with ’em for a period of time (a few weeks to months) then we become friends who strictly get together for sex. Do you think having sex with my “friends” impedes upon finding a long-term relationship?
Relationship Roaming, Seattle, Wash.
Hello Roaming,
Many people have friends that were once or are once-in-a-while sex partners. It’s as common as faux finishes and chenille throws. If you make time for meeting and dating then you can have it all. Don’t fight it if it comes naturally. Learn to work it. But, sweetie, if sleeping with your “friends” is in any way hindering your dating process then stop. You don’t have to be celibate while dating, but you do have to be smart about how you spend your social and sexual energy. And, if all else fails, call me. I make a great “friend.”
Dearest Trinity,
My partner loves shopping malls — not to the point of being a shopaholic — but to the point of spending lots time at the malls. How do I get him to change his ways?
Shopping Habits, Palm Springs, Calif.
Dearest Habits,
I also love to shop, hang out and dine at the mall. It’s like a big museum of things, people and events including outlet stores and window displays. Everyone has their hobbies, pumpkin, and shopping malls may be the way your partner expresses himself. Maybe it’s cultural?
Dear Trinity,
Whenever I go out to meet people it seems like no one hits on me. But my friends point out that I am being cruised a lot more than I think. What am I missing?
Cruising To Be Cruised, Washington, D.C.
Dear Cruising,
It’s hard to know just when someone is interested (especially in some of those dark, sleazy parks, I mean places). But, babe, just so you don’t miss any important meetings here are:
Trinity’s Cunning Tips For Knowing When “You’re Being Cruised” (YBC)
1. A smile, a wink, a nod or a stare always means beware — YBC.
2. When someone asks, “How are you? Are you alone? Can I buy you a drink?” — YBC.
3. When someone asks about your relationships, living situation and/or marital status — YBC.
4. When the waiter, flight attendant or bell captain gives you lots of things for free — YBC.
5. When you start getting flowers, letters or singing telegrams — YBC.
6. If you forgot your keys at the store and the clerk returns them with a box of heart- shaped candies — YBC.
7. When you notice the same person at your gym, grocery store or luncheonette s/he does #1, #2 and/or #3 — YBC.
8. When the bank manager offers you an interest-free loan or the IRS auditor wants to “make your day” — YBC.
9. When a car follows you for miles, keeps pulling up next to you and does #1, #2 and/or #3 — YBC.
10. Lastly, if you’re walking down the street and you notice someone whistling and blowing kisses at you — YBC. Majorly!
Don’t let your answers go unanswered!
— With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity was host of “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama and now performs globally.
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