One friend believed it was the media’s responsibility to produce programs with cultural sensitivity and accuracy. Another friend blamed irresponsible actors of color for accepting roles that required them to portray stereotypical characters, behaviors and ways of life. I agreed. If black actors refused those non-affirming roles, we would likely never see them come to life on the screen.

Suddenly, the conversation took another turn as one of the group pointed out another inconsistency. “What about the media’s distorted view or blatant invisibility of African-American gay culture?”

That obviously pinched a lot of nerves. We all began to talk at once. I couldn’t articulate everything being said but there was clearly an overall expression of annoyed disappointment. Eventually, we simmered down enough to hear one friend (a straight female) confess that the idea of Black Gay Culture was brand new to her.

She had always assumed gay people of all races and backgrounds shared the same cultural habits and traditions, like genderbending and crossdressing.

An uncomfortable hush swept over the group. Everyone avoided eye contact with her. Moments passed. No words were said. Obviously uncomfortable, she apologized. “I’m sorry. I have obviously expressed a very narrow-minded viewpoint.”

In an attempt to rescue her from their sharp tongues, I suggested to the unforgiving group that we educate her, not persecute her.

After some coaxing, they dropped their defenses enough to play along. We started our lesson with words and phrases that have their origin in African-American Gay Culture. I called it “Black Gay Vernacular.” I asked my friend to look closely at the grim facial expressions, pressed lips, folded arms and harsh eyes of the other friends in our company. I informed her that their body language constituted “throwing shade.” Being “shady” means to express a very negative attitude toward someone. This usually includes unwelcoming body language. That acknowledgement generated some laughter and helped to finally dismiss her previously insensitive comment.

“The Children were ready to curse you out, honey,” I said. Another friend chimed in, “The Children, The Kidz and Family: all these words refer to black lesbians and gay men.”

Well, that topic certainly rekindled the conversation. We all began talking at once again — each one sharing their favorite black gay terminology. I even learned some new terms and phrases, like “kee-kee.” A “kee-kee” is a close friend that you can confide in and laugh or “kee-kee” with. The term “Brista” combines the words brother and sister to describe a close gay male friend. My “kee-kees” and I often get together and share “the T” over drinks. “The T” is short for the truth or (more accurately) the latest juicy gossip.

Our conversation helped me to reaffirm the beauty of being “In the Life” — black, gay and proud. Like all segments of the greater LGBT community, black lesbians, gays, bisexuals and transgender individuals also have uniqueness and defining characteristics that determine our way of being. I simply wanted to teach my straight friend how “the kidz” verbally communicated. But, in the process, I learned the value of pausing to celebrate my ethnicity and sexual identity.

Black Gay Vernacular

• “Same Gender Loving” – (adj) an often preferred name as oppose to queer, gay or homosexual.

• “In the Life” – (n) means to be black, gay and proud.

• “My Mother or My Father” – (n) refers to one’s gay mentor.

• “Miss Thang” – (adj) often refers to someone who’s full of themselves.

• “Banjee” – (adj) refers to a very masculine gay man.

• “Ban-She” – (adj) refers to a man who appears masculine but is actually effeminate.

• “Stud” – (adj) refers to a less feminine lesbian.

• “Trade” – (adj) refers to men who don’t identify as gay but perform sexual favors for money.

• “Stunting” – (v) doing illegal activities for income.

• “Beat your Face” – (v) refers to applying makeup with perfection.

• “Your Drag” – (n) refers to one’s best attire.

• “Bumping Purses” – (v) refers to when two submissive gay men attempt sexual intercourse.

• “Church Queen” – (adj) a closeted gay person who hides their sexuality with religion.

• “The T” – (n) refers to the truth or latest gossip

• “Cunt” – (adj) most often describes something that is above the rest or someone who thinks they are.

• “Shade” – (v) means to give a negative attitude.

• “A Read” – (n) a harsh insult.

• “Child Boo” – most often means ‘whatever.’

• “Jacking” – (v) dance that required rapid movement, the precursor to Vogueing.

• “Vogueing” – (v) Stylized dances that conveyed grace and agility.

• “Walking” – (v) a form of Vogue that requires model-like runway strutting.

• “Face” – (v) a form of Vogue that requires dramatic facial expressions.

• “J-Setting” – (v) choreographed movement performed by Houses, the newest version of Vogue movement.

Reference material for this article came from the April 2005 issue of Clikque Magazine and ‘Thirty Interviews/Conversations with Black Gays and Lesbians of all ages.’