The
first gay couple to acquire a civil union want to give it back.
No word on whether relatives and friends are demanding they do the same
with their gifts.
When Carolyn Conrad and Kathleen Peterson were civilly united in Brattleboro,
Vt., at midnight on July 1, 2000, seconds after Vermont’s civil union
law took effect, they entered history as the first same-sex couple in the
nation to gain legal status for their relationship.
Well, now they’re making history again. Just not the kind they hoped
to make five years ago.
Reading about the divorce reminded me that I have in my voluminous files
a front-page story from July 2, 2000, about the law kicking in. (If I may
take a moment to say to all those who pooh-pooh my habit of keeping old
stories and claim that I’ll never have reason to use them: Hah!)
In a photo accompanying the story, Conrad, Peterson and the Brattleboro
town clerk beam and hold hands. The newlyweds radiate joy and optimism.
Their five-year relationship had led them to this fairy-tale moment of
exchanging vows under a starry Vermont sky, in the presence of family,
friends…and a few protesters.
Those heady days are long gone. According to what I recently read on the
PlanetOut Network, the women’s civil union has become distinctly
uncivil. Abraham Lincoln couldn’t hold this union together.
The ladies won’t discuss particulars, but court records show Conrad
filed for a protective order against Peterson. Conrad said she fears for
her safety. The judge granted the request and now Peterson is required
to stay a minimum of 100 feet from Conrad at all times.
Ah, love. You sure can suck eggs.
Peterson told a Vermont newspaper, “All I want to say is that the
civil union was a big source of pride for me and now it’s not.”
I want to say that their civil union was a source of some pride for me
too. Though these women were not part of the lawsuit that led to civil
unions in the Green Mountain State, their enthusiasm for getting hitched
and displaying their commitment to a worldwide audience warmed my lesbian
heart. By default, they were a symbol. And now the symbol has defaulted.
Come now. It’s damn silly of me to put any couple on a pedestal,
to expect perfection. But I do. We’ve all heard women or African-Americans
bemoan the fact that they have to be better than the norm just to be accepted.
Same here. I’ve internalized the expectation that gays have to be
better at marriage in order to be included in it. When I hear a prominent
gay marriage has flopped, my instinct is to cringe, then yell at the divorcees, “What,
you couldn’t have done the community a favor and suffer silently
for the rest of your lives? Selfish!”
Ironically, the existing statistics indicate that the dissolution rate
of Vermont civil unions is teeny. But I don’t think that proves gays
are doing marriage better than straights who have that gaudy 50 percent
failure rate. I’d guess it suggests that when Vermont offered the
chance, seriously commitment-minded gays flung themselves at it like a
lion on a pork chop.
The end of the nation’s first civil union is hardly a tragedy or
setback. At this point, while we’re still in the early days of a
grueling fight for marriage rights, it can be hard to keep things in perspective.
But the main message here to me and other worrywarts is the whole struggle
for gay rights is about being treated equally. We must have the same right
as straights to marry and the same right to screw it the hell up. |
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